Be a Pretty Girl

Pretty girls on dating apps have figured out something most of us struggle with in our careers: leverage.

She says "hi" with a bland emoji. Gets 50 replies. One guy's second message isn't witty enough? Next. She's not being cruel, she just has options. Meanwhile, the guy (not me, I'm built different) who finally got a good match is workshopping his replies, checking if she's typing, spiraling over response times.

Same dynamic, different context: I'm realizing I've been that anxious guy in my business.

I left corporate specifically to control who I work with. No more appeasing bosses, no more projects I don't want. That was the whole point. But lately? I've been treating every client opportunity like it's make-or-break. An attractive project comes through and suddenly I'm the one stressed about negotiations, anxious when things don't move fast enough, bending more than I should.

That's just having a boss with extra steps.

The irony isn't lost on me. I have inbound opportunities. I'm doing fine. But I've gotten passive, waiting for clients to come to me, letting my current projects be an excuse not to do more outreach. And because of that, each opportunity carries too much weight. High stakes, high anxiety, no leverage.

At least I can fix this. When you're in a job? The leverage problem is structural.

Your boss is difficult. Your projects suck. The work drains you. But how many jobs do you have lined up right now? None? Then what exactly are your options? Quitting means months of applications, five-round interviews where one mediocre answer eliminates you. Back to being that anxious guy on the other side again. You can really only work one job at a time, and that job consumes your entire day, leaving no bandwidth to create alternatives.

The math doesn't work in your favor.

Here's what I'm learning: you can't actually choose if there's only one option on the table.

The fix for me is obvious but uncomfortable. Talk to more people. Do more outreach. Create more opportunities than I can realistically handle. Not because I want to work with everyone but because selectivity requires something to select from.

Be the pretty girl on the other side of the app. Too many options. Comfortable saying next.

It's a reminder to myself: I didn't quit to trade one boss for clients who feel like bosses. I quit to choose. But choosing requires leverage. And leverage requires putting myself out there more than feels comfortable.

So that's the plan. More conversations. More outreach. More options.

Even when I'm busy. Especially when I'm busy.